[Internal-cg] transition proposal v5

[Patrik Fältström]

Being the originator of that text in 02-06, I am ok with all proposed changes by Daniel and Russ (i.e. so far).

   Patrik

On 22 Oct 2015, at 1:26, Russ Mundy wrote:

> I’ve also carefully read the executive summary and the (relatively) new History of IANA section (para’s 02-06).
>
> I like the changes Daniel suggestions to the exec summary and don’t have any further changes to suggest.
>
> In the History section, I’ve made several readability changes in paragraphs 04 & 05 that I think make them clearer. If others disagree with the changes, I’m not wedded to these words so they can be further improved or reverted if the group would prefers.
>
> I did spot one small factual error in the History section that I think I’ve corrected, i.e., the contract that was awarded in 2000 is not the one being replaced by this transition, rather, it is the contract that was awarded 2 Jul 2012 - I think that adding “a subsequent” to line 9 of 04 corrects the error.
>
> I’ve placed a version titled: IANA-transition-proposal-v5-karrenberg-mundy.docx in Dropbox.
>
> RussM
>
> On Oct 21, 2015, at 12:08 PM, Daniel Karrenberg <daniel.karrenberg at ripe.net> wrote:
>
>> Signed PGP part
>> I have read the executive summary carefully and suggest two minor
>> edits dropping text. If they are not easily agreed, drop them and move o
>> n.
>>
>> https://www.dropbox.com/home/CoordinationGroup/Combined%20Proposal?previ
>> ew=IANA-transition-proposal-v5-karrenberg.docx
>>
>> I also suggest a *major* edit to the final paragraphs, the "ICG
>> Recommendations." This is the most important part of the executive
>> summary and need to be a strong and clear statement. I believe we
>> deserve better than we have now and suggest we say just this:
>>
>> X031	The ICG unanimously supports this proposal and recommends to all
>> parties to implement it.
>>
>> X032	The ICG will transmit this proposal to the ICANN board for
>> submission to NTIA as soon as the CWG has confirmed that its
>> requirements regarding ICANN accountability have been met..
>>
>>
>> Daniel
>>
>> On 20.10.15 23:28 , Patrik Fältström wrote:
>>> I walked through the History Section to clean up the language a
>>> bit.
>>>
>>> The -v5 now has red-line that marks my changes.
>>>
>>> paf
>>>
>>> On 20 Oct 2015, at 17:07, Alissa Cooper wrote:
>>>
>>>> Updated proposal attached. Dropbox:
>>>> https://www.dropbox.com/s/pjchlea1b0ammd0/IANA-transition-proposal-v5
>> .docx?dl=0
>>>>
>>>>
>> <https://www.dropbox.com/s/pjchlea1b0ammd0/IANA-transition-proposal-v
>> 5.docx?dl=0>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>> Edits made:
>>>>
>>>> - Deleted mentions of public comments from exec summary (except
>>>> the two people wanted to retain) - Edited and aligned all
>>>> references to CCWG dependency (per email thread started by
>>>> Daniel) - Added history section starting with paragraph 02 (per
>>>> Patrik) - Updated Figure 4 pie chart to reflect correct
>>>> statistics (per Lynn) - Edited implementation bullet item
>>>> related to issue resolution mechanisms (per Martin)
>>>>
>>>> Alissa
>>>>
>>>>
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>>>>
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>>
>>
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>
>
>
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