[Internal-cg] transition proposal v5

[Daniel Karrenberg]

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Russ' changes improve the text in 02-06 even further and I agree with
them. With this text we make it very clear what we are building on.
Thanks to all!

Daniel

On 22.10.15 2:26 , Russ Mundy wrote:
> I’ve also carefully read the executive summary and the (relatively)
> new History of IANA section (para’s 02-06).
> 
> I like the changes Daniel suggestions to the exec summary and don’t
> have any further changes to suggest.
> 
> In the History section, I’ve made several readability changes in
> paragraphs 04 & 05 that I think make them clearer. If others
> disagree with the changes, I’m not wedded to these words so they
> can be further improved or reverted if the group would prefers.
> 
> I did spot one small factual error in the History section that I
> think I’ve corrected, i.e., the contract that was awarded in 2000
> is not the one being replaced by this transition, rather, it is the
> contract that was awarded 2 Jul 2012 - I think that adding “a
> subsequent” to line 9 of 04 corrects the error.
> 
> I’ve placed a version titled:
> IANA-transition-proposal-v5-karrenberg-mundy.docx in Dropbox.
> 
> RussM
> 
> On Oct 21, 2015, at 12:08 PM, Daniel Karrenberg
> <daniel.karrenberg at ripe.net> wrote:
> 
>> Signed PGP part I have read the executive summary carefully and
>> suggest two minor edits dropping text. If they are not easily
>> agreed, drop them and move o n.
>> 
>> https://www.dropbox.com/home/CoordinationGroup/Combined%20Proposal?pr
evi
>>
>> 
ew=IANA-transition-proposal-v5-karrenberg.docx
>> 
>> I also suggest a *major* edit to the final paragraphs, the "ICG 
>> Recommendations." This is the most important part of the
>> executive summary and need to be a strong and clear statement. I
>> believe we deserve better than we have now and suggest we say
>> just this:
>> 
>> X031	The ICG unanimously supports this proposal and recommends to
>> all parties to implement it.
>> 
>> X032	The ICG will transmit this proposal to the ICANN board for 
>> submission to NTIA as soon as the CWG has confirmed that its 
>> requirements regarding ICANN accountability have been met..
>> 
>> 
>> Daniel
>> 
>> On 20.10.15 23:28 , Patrik Fältström wrote:
>>> I walked through the History Section to clean up the language
>>> a bit.
>>> 
>>> The -v5 now has red-line that marks my changes.
>>> 
>>> paf
>>> 
>>> On 20 Oct 2015, at 17:07, Alissa Cooper wrote:
>>> 
>>>> Updated proposal attached. Dropbox: 
>>>> https://www.dropbox.com/s/pjchlea1b0ammd0/IANA-transition-proposal-
v5
>>
>>>> 
.docx?dl=0
>>>> 
>>>> 
>> <https://www.dropbox.com/s/pjchlea1b0ammd0/IANA-transition-proposal-v
>>
>> 
5.docx?dl=0>
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 
>> Edits made:
>>>> 
>>>> - Deleted mentions of public comments from exec summary
>>>> (except the two people wanted to retain) - Edited and aligned
>>>> all references to CCWG dependency (per email thread started
>>>> by Daniel) - Added history section starting with paragraph 02
>>>> (per Patrik) - Updated Figure 4 pie chart to reflect correct 
>>>> statistics (per Lynn) - Edited implementation bullet item 
>>>> related to issue resolution mechanisms (per Martin)
>>>> 
>>>> Alissa
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> _______________________________________________ Internal-cg 
>>>> mailing list Internal-cg at mm.ianacg.org 
>>>> http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> _______________________________________________ Internal-cg 
>>>> mailing list Internal-cg at mm.ianacg.org 
>>>> http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org
>> 
>> 
>> _______________________________________________ Internal-cg
>> mailing list Internal-cg at mm.ianacg.org 
>> http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org
> 
> 
> 
> 
> _______________________________________________ Internal-cg mailing
> list Internal-cg at mm.ianacg.org 
> http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org
> 
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