[Internal-cg] Public Comment Summary Report - f2f edits ..

[Manal Ismail]

Thanks Lynn, Elise, Jennifer, Milton and all ..
I have accepted all edits suggested by Lynn but have 2 questions on the following points:

1. On pages 3 & 6 the sentence that reads 
"The work to be done to establish the PTI (and associated structures) will be further elaborated during implementation", with the suggested edits will read 
"The work to be done to establish the PTI (and associated structures) will be further elaborated during the implementation section" ..
I thought we meant to say "when the implementation starts, i.e. during the implementation phase .. if not then we should reference the exact section (as on page 6) but also replace "during" with "in" .. Can someone confirm the intended meaning?

2. On page 5, Lynn commented on the sentence that reads 
"The ICANN Board has adopted the recommendations in the report of the FOIWG and so paragraph 1027 could usefully be amended to reflect this, ", regarding "How do we best note that these paragraph numbers, etc. refer to the draft put out for public comment?" 
Does this address the point "The ICANN Board has adopted the recommendations in the report of the FOIWG and so paragraph 1027, of the response from the CWG to the ICG RFP that was posted for public comment, could usefully be amended to reflect this," .. if not, any better suggestions?

I think, after resolving the above 2 points, the draft will be ready for posting ..

Kind Regards
--Manal

-----Original Message-----
From: Jennifer Chung [mailto:jen at icgsec.asia] 
Sent: Friday, October 30, 2015 10:07 AM
To: 'Lynn St.Amour'; Manal Ismail
Cc: internal-cg at ianacg.org
Subject: RE: [Internal-cg] Public Comment Summary Report - f2f edits ..

Dear All,

Attached and linked below, please find a formatted version of the summary document.  I have made some edits for consistency (capitalization, citations, etc.) and have added section and sub-section numbering/lettering in the same format as the combined proposal.

Dropbox short links:
clean-LSA-format.docx: http://icgsec.asia/1PYeawa
clean-LSA.docx: http://icgsec.asia/1M4zeQ7 

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Best Regards,

Jennifer

-----Original Message-----
From: Internal-cg [mailto:internal-cg-bounces at ianacg.org] On Behalf Of Lynn St.Amour
Sent: Thursday, October 29, 2015 4:34 PM
To: Manal Ismail <manal at tra.gov.eg>
Cc: internal-cg at ianacg.org
Subject: Re: [Internal-cg] Public Comment Summary Report - f2f edits ..

Hi Manal, Joe,

thanks for all the work.  This was not an easy task.  

Overall, I think it looks good.  I made some edits, just trying to tighten up some text. 

Best,

Lynn


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