[Internal-cg] transition proposal v5

[Russ Mundy]

I’ve also carefully read the executive summary and the (relatively) new History of IANA section (para’s 02-06).

I like the changes Daniel suggestions to the exec summary and don’t have any further changes to suggest.

In the History section, I’ve made several readability changes in paragraphs 04 & 05 that I think make them clearer. If others disagree with the changes, I’m not wedded to these words so they can be further improved or reverted if the group would prefers.

I did spot one small factual error in the History section that I think I’ve corrected, i.e., the contract that was awarded in 2000 is not the one being replaced by this transition, rather, it is the contract that was awarded 2 Jul 2012 - I think that adding “a subsequent” to line 9 of 04 corrects the error.

I’ve placed a version titled: IANA-transition-proposal-v5-karrenberg-mundy.docx in Dropbox.

RussM

On Oct 21, 2015, at 12:08 PM, Daniel Karrenberg <daniel.karrenberg at ripe.net> wrote:

> Signed PGP part
> I have read the executive summary carefully and suggest two minor
> edits dropping text. If they are not easily agreed, drop them and move o
> n.
> 
> https://www.dropbox.com/home/CoordinationGroup/Combined%20Proposal?previ
> ew=IANA-transition-proposal-v5-karrenberg.docx
> 
> I also suggest a *major* edit to the final paragraphs, the "ICG
> Recommendations." This is the most important part of the executive
> summary and need to be a strong and clear statement. I believe we
> deserve better than we have now and suggest we say just this:
> 
> X031	The ICG unanimously supports this proposal and recommends to all
> parties to implement it.
> 
> X032	The ICG will transmit this proposal to the ICANN board for
> submission to NTIA as soon as the CWG has confirmed that its
> requirements regarding ICANN accountability have been met..
> 
> 
> Daniel
> 
> On 20.10.15 23:28 , Patrik Fältström wrote:
> > I walked through the History Section to clean up the language a
> > bit.
> >
> > The -v5 now has red-line that marks my changes.
> >
> > paf
> >
> > On 20 Oct 2015, at 17:07, Alissa Cooper wrote:
> >
> >> Updated proposal attached. Dropbox:
> >> https://www.dropbox.com/s/pjchlea1b0ammd0/IANA-transition-proposal-v5
> .docx?dl=0
> >>
> >>
> <https://www.dropbox.com/s/pjchlea1b0ammd0/IANA-transition-proposal-v
> 5.docx?dl=0>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> Edits made:
> >>
> >> - Deleted mentions of public comments from exec summary (except
> >> the two people wanted to retain) - Edited and aligned all
> >> references to CCWG dependency (per email thread started by
> >> Daniel) - Added history section starting with paragraph 02 (per
> >> Patrik) - Updated Figure 4 pie chart to reflect correct
> >> statistics (per Lynn) - Edited implementation bullet item
> >> related to issue resolution mechanisms (per Martin)
> >>
> >> Alissa
> >>
> >>
> >> _______________________________________________ Internal-cg
> >> mailing list Internal-cg at mm.ianacg.org
> >> http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org
> >>
> >>
> >> _______________________________________________ Internal-cg
> >> mailing list Internal-cg at mm.ianacg.org
> >> http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org
> 
> 
> _______________________________________________
> Internal-cg mailing list
> Internal-cg at mm.ianacg.org
> http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org


-------------- next part --------------
A non-text attachment was scrubbed...
Name: IANA-transition-proposal-v5-karrenberg-mundy.docx
Type: application/vnd.openxmlformats-officedocument.wordprocessingml.document
Size: 1004975 bytes
Desc: not available
URL: <http://mm.ianacg.org/pipermail/internal-cg_ianacg.org/attachments/20151022/b889cbf2/attachment.docx>
-------------- next part --------------
A non-text attachment was scrubbed...
Name: signature.asc
Type: application/pgp-signature
Size: 496 bytes
Desc: Message signed with OpenPGP using GPGMail
URL: <http://mm.ianacg.org/pipermail/internal-cg_ianacg.org/attachments/20151022/b889cbf2/attachment.asc>