[Internal-cg] Public Comment Summary Report - f2f edits ..

Patrik Fältström paf at frobbit.se
Tue Nov 10 19:56:29 UTC 2015


Manal,

With help of Jennifer, I have looked at the changes made to the proposal, to see whether all changes are explained in this document.

Jennifer created the following list of changes made, where listed are the paras (in parentheses) and sections (n.b. -,--,--- indicate the levels of subheadings), with substantial changes below.

Out of these I miss text about

- "II History of IANA (02-06)"

For this, I suggest adding in section X a note that "ICG made a decision to add a section on history of IANA to explain why certain roles and functions where managed by IANA today."

- "--4. Meets the needs and expectations of the global customers and partners of the IANA services (98)"

I suggest adding some text stating "ICG added some clarifying text related to the IFO, as discussed in this summary document in the section on PTI".

- "--PTI Board(1113)"

I see explicit reference to two of the changes in the Names proposal, section 1027 and 1036, but not to 1113. I Presume there should be explicit text about this change as well?


I also see the following text exists:

> Further, the ICG is working to explain the PTI as a whole, and likely to add an additional section on this in Part 0.

A more correct text could be:

> Further, the ICG has added an additional section to explain the PTI as a whole to Part 0.

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY (x005, x009)
-Proposal Summary is now a new subheading under Executive Summary (x006-010)
-Completeness and Clarity (x014)
-Compatibility and Interoperability (x015-016)
-Accountability (x018)
-NTIA Criteria
--1. Broad Community Support (x022)
--3. Maintain ) (x031-032)

PART 0
II History of IANA (02-06)
III Process Summary (12)
IV Proposal Summary
-A Operational Community Proposals (16)
-B Post-Transition IANA (23-27)
V Summary of Public Comments (28-31 incl. Fig. 3 and 4)
VI ICG Assessment
-A Community Processes: Openness, Inclusiveness, and Consensus (34-35)
-B. Completeness and Clarity (51-52)
-C. Combined Proposal Assessment
--1. Compatibility and Interoperability (54-62)
--2. Accountability (65-68)
--3. Workability (72-75)
-D. NTIA criteria (78-79)
--1. Broad Community Support (80-83)
--3. Maintain the security, stability, and resiliency of the Internet DNS (93, 95-97)
--4. Meets the needs and expectations of the global customers and partners of the IANA services (98)
--6. Does not replace NTIA role with a government or inter-governmental organization (105-106)
VII Implementation Items to be Completed (107-111)
VII ICG Recommendation (112-113)

PART 1: NAMES
P1.II Existing Pre-Transition Arrangements
-P1.II.A.i. Affected IANA Service (ccTLDs )
-- How disputes about policy are resolved (ccTLDs) (1036)
P1.IIIProposed Post-Transition Oversight and Accountability
-P1.III.A.i. Proposed Post-Transition Structure
--PTI Board(1113)


On 5 Nov 2015, at 9:16, Manal Ismail wrote:

> Dear All ..
> I have tried to reach Alissa to confirm the first point below and she clarified that the intention was to reference the implementation phase, which also matches my initial understanding ..
> Apologies for the inconvenience, the sentences on pages 3&6 will now read:
> "The work to be done to establish the PTI (and associated structures) will be further elaborated during implementation"
> I'm re-attaching and have also saved this version and a clean copy on Dropbox ..
>
> Kind Regards
> --Manal
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Internal-cg [mailto:internal-cg-bounces at ianacg.org] On Behalf Of Manal Ismail Sent: Thursday, November 05, 2015 8:47 AM
> To: Lynn St.Amour
> Cc: IANA Stewardship Transition Coordination Group
> Subject: Re: [Internal-cg] Public Comment Summary Report - f2f edits ..
>
> Thanks Lynn for your flexibility ..
> As we're late in posting this summary and having heard no other comments, I suggest we proceed with posting the report, as attached, online, i.e. with the following modifications:
>
> - On pages 3 & 6 the sentence now reads "The work to be done to establish the PTI (and associated structures) will be further elaborated in the implementation section in Part 0 of the combined proposal"
> - On page 5, the sentence now reads "The ICANN Board has adopted the recommendations in the report of the FOIWG and so paragraph 1027, of the CWG response to the ICG RFP that was posted for public comment, could usefully be amended to reflect this,"
>
> Hope this is ok ..
>
> Kind Regards
> --Manal
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Lynn St.Amour [mailto:Lynn at LStAmour.org]
> Sent: Tuesday, November 03, 2015 4:35 AM
> To: Manal Ismail
> Cc: IANA Stewardship Transition Coordination Group
> Subject: Re: [Internal-cg] Public Comment Summary Report - f2f edits ..
>
> Hi Manal,
>
> I am absolutely fine staying with the original text, if that is what you/the ICG prefer.  My edits were only trying to recognize that implementation items were being evaluated (during and after the comment periods) and were going to be outlined in Part 0 of the combined proposal (in the hope that that would increase support for/comfort with the Combined Proposal.
>
> Lynn
>
> On Oct 30, 2015, at 4:38 PM, Manal Ismail <manal at tra.gov.eg> wrote:
>
>> Thanks Lynn, Elise, Jennifer, Milton and all ..
>> I have accepted all edits suggested by Lynn but have 2 questions on the following points:
>>
>> 1. On pages 3 & 6 the sentence that reads "The work to be done to
>> establish the PTI (and associated structures) will be further
>> elaborated during implementation", with the suggested edits will read "The work to be done to establish the PTI (and associated structures) will be further elaborated during the implementation section" ..
>> I thought we meant to say "when the implementation starts, i.e. during the implementation phase .. if not then we should reference the exact section (as on page 6) but also replace "during" with "in" .. Can someone confirm the intended meaning?
>>
>> 2. On page 5, Lynn commented on the sentence that reads "The ICANN
>> Board has adopted the recommendations in the report of the FOIWG and so paragraph 1027 could usefully be amended to reflect this, ", regarding "How do we best note that these paragraph numbers, etc. refer to the draft put out for public comment?"
>> Does this address the point "The ICANN Board has adopted the recommendations in the report of the FOIWG and so paragraph 1027, of the response from the CWG to the ICG RFP that was posted for public comment, could usefully be amended to reflect this," .. if not, any better suggestions?
>>
>> I think, after resolving the above 2 points, the draft will be ready for posting ..
>>
>> Kind Regards
>> --Manal
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Jennifer Chung [mailto:jen at icgsec.asia]
>> Sent: Friday, October 30, 2015 10:07 AM
>> To: 'Lynn St.Amour'; Manal Ismail
>> Cc: internal-cg at ianacg.org
>> Subject: RE: [Internal-cg] Public Comment Summary Report - f2f edits .
>>
>> Dear All,
>>
>> Attached and linked below, please find a formatted version of the summary document.  I have made some edits for consistency (capitalization, citations, etc.) and have added section and sub-section numbering/lettering in the same format as the combined proposal.
>>
>> Dropbox short links:
>> clean-LSA-format.docx: http://icgsec.asia/1PYeawa
>> clean-LSA.docx: http://icgsec.asia/1M4zeQ7
>>
>> Please let me know if you have any questions.
>>
>> Best Regards,
>>
>> Jennifer
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Internal-cg [mailto:internal-cg-bounces at ianacg.org] On Behalf Of
>> Lynn St.Amour
>> Sent: Thursday, October 29, 2015 4:34 PM
>> To: Manal Ismail <manal at tra.gov.eg>
>> Cc: internal-cg at ianacg.org
>> Subject: Re: [Internal-cg] Public Comment Summary Report - f2f edits .
>>
>> Hi Manal, Joe,
>>
>> thanks for all the work.  This was not an easy task.
>>
>> Overall, I think it looks good.  I made some edits, just trying to tighten up some text.
>>
>> Best,
>>
>> Lynn
>>
>>
>> <Public Comment Summary - 23Oct15-f2f edits-clean
>> LSA-format-MI.docx>_______________________________________________
>> Internal-cg mailing list
>> Internal-cg at mm.ianacg.org
>> http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org
>
>
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