[Internal-cg] Latest version of the combined proposal - v5

Manal Ismail manal at tra.gov.eg
Sat Jul 25 23:16:45 UTC 2015 

Many thanks Joe ..
Please find attached a trial for some closing text as well as some suggested edits ..
@Lynn, please feel free to edit or provide alternative text, as you see appropriate ..
Hope you find this useful ..

Kind Regards
--Manal 

-----Original Message-----
From: Internal-cg [mailto:internal-cg-bounces at ianacg.org] On Behalf Of Lynn St.Amour
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2015 6:44 PM
To: joseph alhadeff
Cc: internal-cg at ianacg.org
Subject: Re: [Internal-cg] Latest version of the combined proposal - v5

Thanks again Joe, 

after a quick read, I think this is quite good.  It pulls some of the text from the ICG review section (and it fits well here), so we may need to edit that section a bit.  I will review again later and attempt to add some closing text per your request.

Also hope to see some other reviewers as well.

Best,

Lynn


On Jul 24, 2015, at 9:29 AM, joseph alhadeff <joseph.alhadeff at oracle.com> wrote:

> Colleagues:
> 
> I attach a proposed executive summary.  I have drafted a slightly longer stand alone version of the summary sourced from the document.  It summarizes process and conclusions. We may wish to add a closing section as it seems to end abruptly?
> 
> Happy for any thoughts.
> 
> Jennifer, I'm running out to a meeting, could you post the draft executive summary to drop box?
> 
> I also attach a first and incomplete draft of what had been a more summarized version, but think that the short version may be best suited to public material or a cover note.  I attach it to see if any language could be useful elsewhere...
> 
> Joe
> 
> On 7/23/2015 11:55 PM, Jennifer Chung wrote:
>> Hi All,
>> 
>> Attached and linked is v5-MI-LSA-PW-JC.  Dropbox link:
>> 
>> http://icgsec.asia/1JiezqA
>>  . This includes Paul's latest edits as well as the requests from 
>> Manal below:
>> 
>> "maybe secretariat could kindly assist in inserting the suggested
>> link(s)/footnote(s) (criteria against which the ICG assessed the 
>> proposals, individually and collectively) and graph (showing the % of 
>> IANA transactions (for 2014) per area) .."
>> 
>> Two points relating to Manal/Lynn's request:
>> 1. I have linked to the published ICG proposal finalization process
>> 
>> https://www.icann.org/en/system/files/files/iana-transition-assembly-
>> finaliz
>> 
>> ation-24dec14-en.pdf.  We have not published the individual 
>> assessment word template ( http://icgsec.asia/1el3lEA
>> ) on the ICG web site - I can do so if we want to link to this in the 
>> ICG report.
>> 
>> 2. The data for the chart inserted was taken from pg. 53 of the IANA 
>> presentation linked here:
>> 
>> https://singapore52.icann.org/en/schedule/wed-iana/presentation-iana-
>> departm
>> 
>> ent-11feb15-en.pdf. Lynn/Manal/all, please let me know if this is 
>> that is envisaged.
>> 
>> Lastly please note that the paragraph numbering is not correct in this file.
>> Once all the edits for the ICG report are in, the Secretariat will 
>> merge the ICG report back into the correctly numbered v5.
>> 
>> As always, the latest versions of all the public comment related 
>> documents for your review is in this Dropbox folder:
>> http://icgsec.asia/1OfxHW2
>>  
>> 
>> Please let me know if you have any questions.
>> 
>> Best Regards,
>> 
>> Jennifer
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Internal-cg [
>> mailto:internal-cg-bounces at ianacg.org
>> ] On Behalf Of Manal
>> Ismail
>> Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2015 9:07 PM
>> To: Lynn St.Amour
>> <lynn at lstamour.org>; internal-cg at ianacg.org
>> 
>> Subject: Re: [Internal-cg] Latest version of the combined proposal - 
>> v5
>> 
>> Many thanks Lynn for the suggested edits and for your comments ..
>> Following your email, I would also urge colleagues to review and 
>> provide feedback by Friday in order to meet our public comment period dates ..
>> 
>> Meanwhile, for the sake of time, maybe the secretariat could kindly 
>> assist in inserting the suggested link(s)/footnote(s) (criteria 
>> against which the ICG assessed the proposals, individually and 
>> collectively) and graph (showing the % of IANA transactions (for 2014) per area) ..
>> 
>> I also believe we need to conclude on the order of the proposals .. 
>> Although it is not a substantial change it would still require a 
>> thorough review and several edits throughout the document (ICG 
>> report, sections' headers, ...) ..
>> 
>> I had a few questions throughout the report and hope colleagues would 
>> review and provide further guidance ..
>> 
>> Finally, some parts of the text (highlighted in blue to my best) 
>> reflect the current status of the accountability proposal (ongoing 
>> discussions) which won't be the case (accountability proposal 
>> finalized and put out for public comments too) by the time the 
>> combined transition proposal is out for public comment .. Should such 
>> parts be changed to reflect the status of the accountability proposal at the time of the public comment period?
>> 
>> Looking forward to receiving your input/feedback/suggestions/comments ..
>> 
>> Kind Regards
>> --Manal
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Internal-cg [
>> mailto:internal-cg-bounces at ianacg.org
>> ] On Behalf Of Lynn
>> St.Amour
>> Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2015 6:54 PM
>> To: 
>> internal-cg at ianacg.org
>> 
>> Subject: Re: [Internal-cg] Latest version of the combined proposal - 
>> v5
>> 
>> Again, thanks much Manal,
>> 
>> To-date, I reviewed this through the ICG report section (only), and 
>> made some edits to try and convey why the report was combined in this 
>> way.  I would appreciate it if folks could review it carefully, as I 
>> believe it is a critical point (and sensitive).  And, some of it may 
>> be better suited to the Exec. Summary.
>> 
>> Joe, I believe you had volunteered to send some draft text re the Exec.
>> summary.  If this is correct, can I do anything to help?  If I have 
>> it wrong, I will look up the minutes (can't do that just now though, 
>> unfortunately).
>> 
>> And, could those individuals who have been participating in the CWG - 
>> Stewardship and the CCWG efforts, please review the appropriate 
>> sections to ensure they reflect the latest positions?
>> 
>> Finally, we should aim to have  all comments on this and the public 
>> web-site no later than this Friday, so that we can review the "very near final"
>> drafts of this on Monday, in order to meet our public comment period 
>> timetable of July 31st.
>> 
>> Many thanks,
>> 
>> Lynn
>> 
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>> 
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> 
> <Exec summary rev1.doc><cover letter - Executive Summary.doc>


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