<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html charset=utf-8"></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space;" class=""><br class=""><div style=""><br class=""><blockquote type="cite" class=""><div class="">Begin forwarded message:</div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;" class=""><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1.0);" class=""><b class="">From: </b></span><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;" class="">Alan Barrett <<a href="mailto:alan.barrett@afrinic.net" class="">alan.barrett@afrinic.net</a>><br class=""></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;" class=""><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1.0);" class=""><b class="">Subject: </b></span><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;" class=""><b class="">Comments on ICG proposal draft v5</b><br class=""></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;" class=""><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1.0);" class=""><b class="">Date: </b></span><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;" class="">October 22, 2015 at 11:27:19 PM GMT+1<br class=""></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;" class=""><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1.0);" class=""><b class="">To: </b></span><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;" class="">Alissa Cooper <<a href="mailto:alissa@cooperw.in" class="">alissa@cooperw.in</a>><br class=""></span></div><br class=""><div class="">Dear Alissa,<br class=""><br class="">I am unable to post to the ICG list right now. Please could you forward this message.<br class=""><br class="">Dear ICG members,<br class=""><br class="">Here are some editorial comments on the ICG proposal draft v5.<br class=""><br class="">X02: Change \u201cis comprised of\u201d to \u201cis composed of\u201d<br class=""><br class="">X04: Add comma in \u201c\u2026 provided to each of the communities, setting forth these conditions \u2026\u201d<br class=""><br class="">X06: Add \u201cfor names\u201d and comma in \u201c\u2026 would become the IANA functions operator for names, in contract with ICANN.\u201d<br class=""><br class="">X07: Add \u201cfor number resources\u201d and comma in \u201c\u2026 serve as the IANA Functions Operator for number resources, and perform those services \u2026\u201d<br class=""><br class="">X09: Add comma after \u201cproposal\u201d in "Under the combined transition proposal, \u2026\u201d<br class=""><br class="">X27: Add \u201c(for names)\u201d in "While the names proposal calls for the IANA functions operator (for names) to be transferred to the PTI, \u2026\u201d<br class=""><br class="">X33: Change \u201crecommends to all parties to implement it\u201d to \u201crecommends that all affected parties should implement it\u201d.<br class=""><br class="">004: Add comma after \u201c1996\u201d in "In 1996, a process was started \u2026\u201d<br class=""><br class="">004: Change \u201csubsequent\u201d to \u201csuccessor\u201d in "NTIA\u2019s current stewardship responsibilities under a successor contract \u2026\u201d<br class=""><br class="">005: Expand \u201cIFO\u201d to \u201cIANA Functions Operator<br class=""><br class="">007: Change \u201cis comprised of\u201d to \u201cis composed of\u201d<br class=""><br class="">017: Remove parentheses in \u201cIANA Functions Operator for numbering functions\u201d<br class=""><br class="">025: Add comma in "Under the combined transition proposal, \u2026\u201d<br class=""><br class="">026: Change \u201cthe Review Committee\u201d to \u201cits Review Committee\u201d in "The numbers community would use its Review Committee \u2026\u201d<br class=""><br class="">052 part 3 (IFR): Add \u201crelating to names\u201d in "The creation of an IFR which is empowered to conduct periodic and special reviews of the IANA functions relating to names.\u201d<br class=""><br class="">052 part 4 (CSC): Add \u201crelating to names\u201d, comma, and \u201cto\u201d in \u201c\u2026 empowered to monitor the performance of the IANA functions relating to names, and to escalate \u2026\u201d<br class=""><br class="">059: Change \u201cis clearly is clearly\u201d to \u201cis clearly\u201d in "the text is clearly defined as placeholder text\u201d<br class=""><br class="">069: Proposed replacement for second sentence: "A few commenters were opposed to the proposal because it involves the US government releasing the IANA functions contract, and a similar small number of commenters opposed the proposal on the basis that ICANN and IANA should be subject to international law and jurisdiction."<br class=""><br class="">069: Proposed edit for third sentence: Change \u201cHowever\u201d to \u201cOn the whole\u201d.<br class=""><br class="">092: Change \u201cIANA functions operator\u201d to "IANA functions operator for naming functions\u201d<br class=""><br class="">098: Change \u201cthe NTIA\u2019s process\u201d to \u201cthe NTIA\u2019s process for transition of the Root Zone Management functions\u201d<br class=""><br class="">1039: My search for incorrect use of \u201ccomprised of\u201d found this paragraph, but it\u2019s in the names proposal, not in the ICG\u2019s part, so the ICG probably can\u2019t change \u201cbe comprised of\u201d to \u201cbe composed of\u201d.<br class=""><br class=""><br class="">Alan Barrett</div></blockquote></div><br class=""></body></html>