<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html charset=windows-1252"></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space;" class=""><div class=""></div><br class=""><div><blockquote type="cite" class=""><div class="">On Oct 22, 2015, at 1:26 AM, Russ Mundy <<a href="mailto:mundy@tislabs.com" class="">mundy@tislabs.com</a>> wrote:</div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"><div class="">Ive also carefully read the executive summary and the (relatively) new History of IANA section (paras 02-06).<br class=""><br class="">I like the changes Daniel suggestions to the exec summary and dont have any further changes to suggest.<br class=""><br class="">In the History section, Ive made several readability changes in paragraphs 04 & 05 that I think make them clearer. If others disagree with the changes, Im not wedded to these words so they can be further improved or reverted if the group would prefers.<br class=""><br class="">I did spot one small factual error in the History section that I think Ive corrected, i.e., the contract that was awarded in 2000 is not the one being replaced by this transition, rather, it is the contract that was awarded 2 Jul 2012 - I think that adding a subsequent to line 9 of 04 corrects the error.<br class=""><br class="">Ive placed a version titled: IANA-transition-proposal-v5-karrenberg-mundy.docx in Dropbox.<br class=""><br class="">RussM<br class=""><br class="">On Oct 21, 2015, at 12:08 PM, Daniel Karrenberg <<a href="mailto:daniel.karrenberg@ripe.net" class="">daniel.karrenberg@ripe.net</a>> wrote:<br class=""><br class=""><blockquote type="cite" class="">Signed PGP part<br class="">I have read the executive summary carefully and suggest two minor<br class="">edits dropping text. If they are not easily agreed, drop them and move o<br class="">n.<br class=""><br class=""><a href="https://www.dropbox.com/home/CoordinationGroup/Combined%20Proposal?previ" class="">https://www.dropbox.com/home/CoordinationGroup/Combined%20Proposal?previ</a><br class="">ew=IANA-transition-proposal-v5-karrenberg.docx<br class=""><br class="">I also suggest a *major* edit to the final paragraphs, the "ICG<br class="">Recommendations." This is the most important part of the executive<br class="">summary and need to be a strong and clear statement. I believe we<br class="">deserve better than we have now and suggest we say just this:<br class=""><br class="">X031<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>The ICG unanimously supports this proposal and recommends to all<br class="">parties to implement it.<br class=""><br class="">X032<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>The ICG will transmit this proposal to the ICANN board for<br class="">submission to NTIA as soon as the CWG has confirmed that its<br class="">requirements regarding ICANN accountability have been met..<br class=""><br class=""><br class="">Daniel<br class=""><br class="">On 20.10.15 23:28 , Patrik Fltstrm wrote:<br class=""><blockquote type="cite" class="">I walked through the History Section to clean up the language a<br class="">bit.<br class=""><br class="">The -v5 now has red-line that marks my changes.<br class=""><br class="">paf<br class=""><br class="">On 20 Oct 2015, at 17:07, Alissa Cooper wrote:<br class=""><br class=""><blockquote type="cite" class="">Updated proposal attached. Dropbox:<br class="">https://www.dropbox.com/s/pjchlea1b0ammd0/IANA-transition-proposal-v5<br class=""></blockquote></blockquote>.docx?dl=0<br class=""><blockquote type="cite" class=""><blockquote type="cite" class=""><br class=""><br class=""></blockquote></blockquote><https://www.dropbox.com/s/pjchlea1b0ammd0/IANA-transition-proposal-v<br class="">5.docx?dl=0><br class=""><blockquote type="cite" class=""><blockquote type="cite" class=""><br class=""><br class=""><br class=""></blockquote></blockquote>Edits made:<br class=""><blockquote type="cite" class=""><blockquote type="cite" class=""><br class="">- Deleted mentions of public comments from exec summary (except<br class="">the two people wanted to retain) - Edited and aligned all<br class="">references to CCWG dependency (per email thread started by<br class="">Daniel) - Added history section starting with paragraph 02 (per<br class="">Patrik) - Updated Figure 4 pie chart to reflect correct<br class="">statistics (per Lynn) - Edited implementation bullet item<br class="">related to issue resolution mechanisms (per Martin)<br class=""><br class="">Alissa<br class=""><br class=""><br class="">_______________________________________________ Internal-cg<br class="">mailing list Internal-cg@mm.ianacg.org<br class="">http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org<br class=""><br class=""><br class="">_______________________________________________ Internal-cg<br class="">mailing list Internal-cg@mm.ianacg.org<br class="">http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org<br class=""></blockquote></blockquote><br class=""><br class="">_______________________________________________<br class="">Internal-cg mailing list<br class="">Internal-cg@mm.ianacg.org<br class="">http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org<br class=""></blockquote><br class=""><br class=""><span id="cid:35E40B2D-3DFB-407E-A31C-50DABBE781EA@cisco.com"><IANA-transition-proposal-v5-karrenberg-mundy.docx></span>_______________________________________________<br class="">Internal-cg mailing list<br class=""><a href="mailto:Internal-cg@mm.ianacg.org" class="">Internal-cg@mm.ianacg.org</a><br class="">http://mm.ianacg.org/mailman/listinfo/internal-cg_ianacg.org<br class=""></div></blockquote></div><br class=""></body></html>